


All that matters, everyday

by Maki_Ayase



Category: LOONA (Korea Band)
Genre: Gen, angst ripppp, mention of other loona members, rated teen for the few swear words, rip vivi and yeojin, they just aren't there lol, tw for disfunctional family
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-07
Updated: 2019-08-07
Packaged: 2020-08-11 03:04:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,820
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20146567
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Maki_Ayase/pseuds/Maki_Ayase
Summary: 'It's everyday bro' was the only thing Jiwoo could think about when it came to her daily life





	All that matters, everyday

**Author's Note:**

> Hi guys! ok this is gonna suck cuz i wrote it in an hour top and just posted it. idk, i just felt like it ok???
> 
> also this is me taking a break cuz writer's block can s*** my d***.

Jiwoo was going back home like she did every day, taking the bus then the train. Every day, she did the same thing, hung out with her friends, came back home, had dinner with her family and went to bed after scrolling through her Instagram and twitter feed. Every day she went to class, doodled in her notebook instead of taking notes when the physics teacher talked, slept through chem and shushed Jungeun when they were in math class. Every day she acted a bit like a fool, mostly to make others laugh but also for her own enjoyment.

Usually, today would be like any other day, except for the fact that Sooyoung was angry today.

Sooyoung was her best friend, and most importantly, secret crush. Wherever she went, Jiwoo followed. Whatever she said, Jiwoo agreed. Whatever she did, Jiwoo copied.

Today, Sooyoung came to school with a frown stuck on her pretty face. Jiwoo acted cute and a bit dumb like she always did, effectively making Heejin and Yerim laugh until Sooyoung banged her fist on their lunch table.

‘’Why are you so… hyper all the time? Can’t you just be serious for a minute?’’ Sooyoung spat, glaring daggers at her.

The table fell silent, and all eyes turned to Jiwoo, who was too dumbfounded to answer right away.

‘’…What?’’

‘’You act silly all the time like you have no brain inside your head! It’s annoying!’’

‘’Sooyoung, that’s a bit much,’’ Hyunjin tried to say, but the other shook her head and went on.

‘’You look happy all the time as if nothing bad ever happened to you, like you don’t know what a bad day is! It’s flat out disrespectful, at times! So, what’s up with that?’’

Jiwoo took a few seconds to recover from the direct assault, but she replied with her head held high, looking straight back at the other girl.

‘’Maybe I’m serious when I’m at home and school gives me a time to have fun with my friends.’’

For some reason, Sooyoung seemed to accept the answer, as she nodded and continued eating. The awkward silence faded away, and their group was full of joyful laughter as always. For Jiwoo, however, putting on a smile proved to be more difficult.

At the end of the day, when she walked to her station and waited for the train, the sound of the rain made her want to cry.

The walk back to her house was dreadful. She was an hour late because the train tracks were blocked for small maintenance and her phone had died before she could text her mom she was okay. Jiwoo ran all the way to her house and, with shaky hands, took a few seconds to find her keys and unlock the front door. Lucky for her, no police cars were parked at the end of her lawn. Jiwoo dumped her bag on the ground and apologised loudly and profusely for her lateness, but in the end it didn’t matter.

‘’Where the hell were you?’’ Her mom’s voice boomed, her small frame jumping up from the chair she was sitting on. The first thing Jiwoo noticed was the panicked look in her eyes. The second thing she noticed was that her hair was all over the place and her glasses were resting on the kitchen table. The third was Hyejoo’s absence.

‘’The train-‘’

‘’Why didn’t you text me?’’

‘’My phone-‘’ Jiwoo tried to explain.

‘’Don’t you ever, EVER do that again! You know the rules! You know I don’t deal well with stuff like that!’’

‘’It wasn’t-‘’

Her mother ran into her arms, hugging her tight while she cried on her shoulder. Jiwoo tensed her jaw, but she hugged her and patted her back. The thing with Jiwoo’s mom, Haseul, was that she had some major anxiety issues and a controlling problem. As a child, Jiwoo never understood why her mom would freak out so much when she didn’t see her when Jiwoo wandered in the park alone for a while, or why Haseul would ask to text her every morning when Jiwoo took the train to be sure she wasn’t dead.

In her eyes, it was always a bit much, but her other mother had explained all. Jinsoul and Haseul had divorced when Hyejoo was only one-year-old, meaning a lot of pent-up anger had accumulated on both sides for 18 years of forced interactions. At her age, Jiwoo finally understood all of this, understood all the manipulating strategies both applied to their daughters.

Haseul let her go, and all her anger came back at once, surprising Jiwoo.

‘’I almost called the police! Your grandma had to stop me!’’

Called it.

‘’If you EVER do that again, Jiwoo, it’s not going to be funny.’’

Like that was even a threat. Jiwoo still looked down, acting ashamed. She had nothing to blame herself for. Hyejoo didn’t even bother making it look like she cared when Haseul tried to force her to do something. Hyejoo came and left whenever she wanted at the price of fighting their mom every night. Sometimes it was twice an evening, and on those Jiwoo only saw her younger sister when she came back from some park at 2 am.

Every night after dinner, Jiwoo would run upstairs, blast music through her earphones and plug herself in front of some show or funny tiktok youtube videos to try to drown the sound of the two girls yelling at each other.

‘’Where’s Hyejoo?’’ Jiwoo asked, walking to the staircase and looking up.

‘’At Chaewon’s. Now, help me make dinner. Don’t even think of going to your room!’’

So Jiwoo complied, even if she hated cooking. She finally had the chance to explain why she was late, but Haseul’s answer was to ask ‘Why didn’t you ask someone for a phone? Doesn’t one of your schoolmates take the train?’ And ‘I could never let you go alone in the world, you’d just stop talking to me! You can’t even ask your friends for their phone when you have too!’. What if Jiwoo just wasn’t thinking about calling her mom? What if she thought all of this didn’t need to be discussed for more than three hours?

Then right after they were finished eating, Hyejoo came barging in.

‘’I’m home! Can I eat? What’s to eat? If it’s some sort of pie I’m throwing up!’’

She dropped her bag on the floor and walked straight to the kitchen and looked around, tossing things out of place. Haseul calmly watched her do, and Jiwoo tightened her lips, ready to bolt upstairs.

‘’Where is it?’’

‘’We finished, so we put it away. If you want something, you’ll have to make it yourself.’’

‘’What the fuck? I was at Chaewon’s house, I told you! I couldn’t be there to prepare!’’ Hyejoo retorted, waving her hand around and hitting it on the sink faucet.

‘’Well too bad. I told you I wanted you to be here, but you ignored me and went off, so there are consequences.’’

‘’It’s not that bad, Hye. Just microwave the rests-‘’ Jiwoo started, but Hyejoo yelled at her, shutting her up.

‘’I’m not gonna heat shit up! Anyways, what is it?’’

‘’Stew I made,’’ Haseul replied, a proud smile on her face.

Jiwoo cringed, preparing herself.

‘’What?! No, why didn’t you tell me? I would have stopped at the grocery store to buy a sandwich or something!’’

‘’I thought you liked it, though?’’

‘’That shit is disgusting! Jiwoo only eats the meat, and the whole thing is way too overcooked!’’ Hyejoo shouted at their mom, kicking the air in front of her. She grunted in anger, her usual frown reappearing.

‘’Well if you think my food is disgusting, why don’t you come home and make yourself something you think is worth eating, then?’’ Haseul shouted back, crossing her arms on her chest.

Yeah, that was her cue. Jiwoo rinsed her plate while the two fought, Hyejoo disrespecting their mom like she was the devil and not like she had given them everything. Jiwoo closed her door with care and jumped on her bed, quickly putting the earphones on. She scrambled on youtube, putting Irene’s new song at max volume.

Finally, Jiwoo could relax. After a few minutes of muted banter, Jiwoo couldn’t help but pause her music to make sure the noise was gone.

She was wrong.

‘’If you hate it so much here, why don’t you go live with your mother, huh?’’

‘’I’ll do that, then!’’

‘’Good luck! You’re going to smell bad after a few days and you’ll starve and you’ll have to beg me to open the door so you can have a change of clothes!’’

‘’I’d NEVER beg you for anything, I’m not that pathetic.’’

Jiwoo quickly put her earphones back on and listened to the rest of The Only, but the house still shook when her younger sister slammed the door. When the song was over, Jiwoo took her earphone off again, only to hear faint sobs coming from the room next to hers. On nights like these, Jiwoo would act like her mother’s therapist, trying to answer questions she had no clue how to respond. She was the child, she couldn’t heal broken family relationships.

On days when she was at her mother's, Jiwoo would sometimes have to put her mind to neutral. Jinsoul was a bitter woman when it came to her ex-wife, so anytime she could talk behind her back, she did so with ease, disguising wicked information into a sultry and persuasive explanation as to why she was the ‘good guy in the situation’.

Both had good points and horrible points. Jiwoo just learned that a bit late.

But the next day was no different to the day before yesterday, nor the next following days. Jiwoo never understood how her mother and sister could talk to each other in the morning, like last night never happened. It scared her, the mental instability of the two. But that was still normal. Jiwoo went to school and acted stupid and careless, a genuine smile spread across her face, forgetting about her family for 6 hours. She followed Sooyoung, joked with Hyunjin and Heejin in English class, shushed Jungeun that was talking way too much in math class. Sooyoung didn’t bring ‘it’ back, so Jiwoo didn’t know why the girl seemed to keep an eye on her. Maybe that day, Sooyoung had accepted her answer right away because she felt it was true.

Sometimes, Jiwoo wished she had her friend’s married parents. She felt jealous of all of them, never relating to their happy family vacation or any stories they told. At a young age, she had understood what her parents had sacrificed for her sister and Jiwoo’s happiness. Money, freedom, even power. Jiwoo was sure to tell herself to hold on to that in the future. That was all that mattered anyway.

**Author's Note:**

> lmao follow me on twitter @CAlazeria


End file.
